How To End a Crush - Chapter 46.2

Seeing how the corners of his mouth trembled slightly, he must have felt a bit hurt. My heart ached for some reason as I looked at his subdued face.

What’s with you? What relationship do we have that would make you look like that? If you keep making that face,……

I turned away silently, biting my lips.

…… it would seem like we were in some sort of relationship.

* * *

During class, I took notes on what was on the board, my face dark and depressed. But I could not concentrate one bit. I kept recalling Sunbae’s wavering eyes, how his voice shook even as he tried to hide the tremor, and how sad his face looked, like a puppy that had been rained on. As I thought of it, I felt like I would go crazy from guilt.

If I were a more cool-headed person, I wouldn’t have had such thoughts. No, I wouldn’t even have held onto my feelings for this long, to start with!

After frowning and messing up my hair, I strengthened my grip on my pen. In all of my 17 years of life, this was the first time I felt like a fool.

Still, there was something to be grateful for: all my thoughts of hugging Sunbae were now buried under these new thoughts. I laughed and turned the page of my textbook.

Why did I feel so uncomfortable? Why did I feel…… so sorry? What did it have to do with me?

Of course the answer came soon after.

What do you mean ‘why’? Of course, it’s because you like him.

I sighed as I wrote down the answer to a formula in my notebook. For how much longer was I going to continue this way? I was so annoyed by myself and found myself so pathetic that it was difficult to bear.

“I am…… so stupid.”

“……?”

After I muttered in a low voice, my deskmate blinked, bewildered as she looked at me. I paid her no mind and continued taking notes. But then my hand paused.

Should I…… apologise?

I chewed on my lips and scratched my head roughly, while the pen nib in my other hand tore into the paper.

Please, please stop. Stop thinking about Noah sunbae.

If only I could, I would have asked Noah sunbae to get out of my head. As if to prove that my thoughts were distracted, my writing was all over the place.

This time, I truly, truly, have to draw the line.

I turned over my notebook as I once again had the same thought that had run through my mind thousands of times.

* * *

“Ahhh!!”

I turned my stiff neck and walked forward. I looked at the piece of gold that lay on the floor as I walked forward, but then I came upon a pair of unfamiliar feet. When I looked up, wondering who it was, it turned out to be Noah sunbae.

I ran into him. This time I actually ran into him instead of just passing him by. If I had continued walking distractedly, I would have definitely crashed into him. Pretending not to have seen him would have been awkward, but so would seeing him face to face. So I turned around quickly in a bid to leave when Noah sunbae called me. His voice seemed to waver a bit, different from usual.

“Katelin.”

“!”

I could never get used to hearing that. Everyone called me ‘Kate’; I only ever got called ‘Katelin’ when I was being scolded by my father.

It did sound a bit harsh, but I had never given him permission to call me by a nickname, so he was right to call me that. It was exactly the sort of thing Noah sunbae would do.

“Can we talk for a little while if it’s okay with you?” Noah sunbae asked, carefully holding my wrist. Desperation showed in his golden eyes. Standing still, I raised my other hand and slowly removed his hand. I did so because I had just thought of something ridiculous.

He’s not going to talk about what happened last time, is he……? No, why would he even do that?

“……Please let go.”

My voice was so cold that it surprised even me, as if to reflect my strong intention to retrieve my hand. I saw Noah sunbae flinch. I carried on, my face hardened.

“I am busy. I will go now.”

The words sounded curt and awkward, but I felt they were good enough. I turned around and began walking hesitantly, but Sunbae remained where he was, staring blankly. I walked slowly on purpose so that I could watch him, but he remained still for several minutes.

……But why? Was I too harsh?

After looking back for a while with an anxious face, I turned back again, walking up to Noah sunbae and looking at his face. I could hear his slightly quivering breath, and through his limply hanging silver hair, I could see that his eyes were red too.

“……Sunbae, are you crying?”

He didn’t reply. He really did seem to be crying.

No way. Did…… did I make him cry?

Ah, there was really no middle ground with me. Never. In trying to draw a line with him, I ended up making him cry.

After standing, like an idiot, with my mouth open for a moment, I began apologising urgently.

“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I don’t know how it came out like that…… Please don’t cry,” I stammered while searching my pockets.

Where was the handkerchief? Had I left it in the laundry basket?

“…Do you…”

Sunbae lifted his head that had been lowered the entire time. As he started speaking in a low voice, his tear-filled gold eyes looked at me. A tear was hung on his long lashes like morning dew on a leaf.

“……Do you not like me anymore?”

“Huh?”

Sunbae still looked unbelievably beautiful, even in this situation. I blinked in confusion and took a step back.

Ah, how did things end up like this?

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