This Time I’ll Live As I Wish - Chapter 1.1

“Pray and become the enchantress that represents the family.”

No.

“Why have your abilities not formed yet? Did I really bring you up right?”

Their goodwill never really lasted long.

“If it weren’t for our master, I wouldn’t have treated you so nicely. You should be grateful.”

Even the maids leered at me daily.

No one expected anything from me, and no one acted like they cared for me. They all isolated me.

I knew well enough that I was useless here. Seeing as I was from the muddy slums, why else would I have been saved?

Not to mention that I was taken in as a replacement for the original spot.

“Eria…?”

“I’m Erina, brother.”

“Right, Erina.”

That’s right. I am Erina.

My present life has been caused by a dreadful coincidence.

The wrongdoers and the victims have become mixed up in my head, and in my delusion I don’t even know whose fault it was in the first place.

After all, I just happened to have silver hair and purple eyes and a high affinity for elemental spirits. I was otherwise useless, so to me there was no reason to remain alive.

Maybe I should just die like this.

Each day felt so depressing that I thought it would be better to strangle myself to death rather than lose myself amid countless criticisms.

After all, I wasn’t allowed to be happy.

This life felt like a divine punishment given to me at birth.

That is, until I found another ‘me’.

“I finally found you,” she said.

“Huh…?”

“Hello, present me.”

I had been vomiting as usual when a miracle came to me on that hellish day.

“Would you like to sign a contract with me? You’re too special to live like this.”

She said she would save me.

“And in turn, you have to give me what I want.”

The price of her contract was “Melcurado,” the core essence of the world and a sacred object enshrined in the Academy of High Spirit Organizations.

“You need to break it to unearth the whole truth. How does that sound?”

The me of my past life sweetly explained the conditions to the contract.

“As long as you can help me ascend peacefully, I’ll make you the greatest enchantress in the continent.”

I couldn’t refuse.

Signing the contract was my last hope.

***

I experienced a world without realizing it was a dream.

The surrounding area was black and white, and the building itself was decorated with unrecognizable ancient ornaments.

One thing was certain; it wasn’t the world of the present. That much was clear to see.

Because in that dream, I was not the woman crying.

“You traitor!”

“How dare you fool us, you witch!”

The people pointed their fingers at the woman, her dark red hair soaked in blood. Her shoulders were stained purple with bruises as she had been stoned by hundreds of people, and she had to go up the guillotine each time.

Watching the scene from afar, I couldn’t wake up from the dream until her head was cut off.

This was a kind of curse.

A silent curse in the dream I’d been having for a month.

As the blurry figure became clearer, my breath became more suffocated.

Her eyes flitted across the crowd before her neck dropped.

She had clearly looked at where I was standing before she died. 

She chanted a spell until the moment she took her last breath. Her purple eyes shone brightly as if they couldn’t hold out any longer.

They were words that most wouldn’t be able to understand, but I was able to understand them in an instant.

It was a dream spell that I had heard dozens of times from her.

She looked at me and screamed her curse with all her might, desperate and mournful to the very end.

I felt like dying each time I heard it.

“Lies are lies. The truth is the truth.”

It felt like I was reflecting back on my life, where everything was fake.

I thought I would have to turn to the abyss to be truly useful.

Erina’s diary, XX/XX/XXXX.

***

“The truth is the truth…”

I covered the diary.

I couldn’t recall how many times I had recited that particular passage of the book. I wished I could have a pleasant breakfast like I usually did.

I was in rather low spirits since the family would be gathering to have a meal together for the first time in a while. My head sank to my knees–I could already feel the vomit coming up. The saliva in my mouth tasted nauseating.

“Hold it in, Erina Seigneur,” I mumbled.

And get a hold of yourself.

I brought the edge of the blanket I was under to my mouth.

It didn’t change anything, but I felt at ease repeating those words to myself before I had to get ready.

You should be grateful you didn’t get kicked out right away. 

As if it was waiting to reappear, the self-reassurance I had been brainwashed to believe echoed in my head.

Humans were so fickle. If you could somehow dredge up some form of comfort, you would be able to feel relief even in the midst of deep contempt.

[Knock knock.]

“Erina, can I come in?”

Especially in times like this.

“Father told me to bring you downstairs myself.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Plus, I wanted to stop by and see my younger sister’s face.”

“I could have gone down myself though…

“What are you saying? I should obviously come get you. I’m your big brother!”

Havel, interrupting my words, burst into a wide smile.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked me calmly, messing with my hair as he entered the room.

 “No,” I shook my head. His question was redundant.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I just feel a little uneasy.”

There’s no need to ask me when you already know.

Swallowing my thoughts, I shifted away from his arms.

Havel shifted his gaze downwards and prepared to leave. The intention behind his reaction was obvious.

“I understand, Rina…”

He’ll try to comfort me with sad eyes…

“But don’t worry, I’ll protect you no matter what Father says. Trust your big brother!”

…and then make me rely on him.

I looked up at him without saying a word. Havel fiddled with the ribbon decorations on my dress, grinning widely.

“Wanna hold hands?”

He brought his hand forward. 

Even though it was just false kindness, it still gave me comfort.

I mirrored his smile and took his hand.

“Sure.”

That same hand was of a surveillant who went night after night to tell the Marquis about any changes in my spiritual abilities.

***

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