Only With Your Heart - Only With Your Heart SS28

This Love Hurts (1)

Rodolgo was a heavy drinker, and even though he was riding in broad daylight, he was chugging a leather bag full of cheap liquor.

Drinking and riding.

It was the worst possible combination.

Perhaps, sooner or later, this man’s power would have faded away even before they made it to his village. It was enough of a miracle that he managed to make it past one village.

This was the way to Rodolgo’s village.

“I found that cute little celestial maiden.”

Rodolgo exhaled a breath that reeked of alcohol and happily rambled with a mouth that was missing one of his front teeth. 

“She’s a real beauty, though she’s a little strange. Her eyes are dull, her skin is white but without the redness, and her hair is straight and silky. Her nose is very small and lovely…”

For a long time now, Lukrov had been devoid of emotions. He hadn’t even remembered how to feel frustrated, but this description of Rodolgo’s ‘Celestial maiden’ made his temples throb.

“….How do you know about that?”

“Because I saw it with my own eyes. That young lady was sleeping defenselessly by the river, and she was in danger. So I was kind enough to take her home.”

“That’s not it. How did you–?”

Lukrov wanted to ask how he knew about Chizuru but stopped talking.

‘It can’t be Chizuru. It can’t be Chizuru.’

He told himself repeatedly.

Chizuru was no longer…here… He knew that better than anyone else in the world. His longing had taken many lives. So, he must not have any more hope. He must not seek Chizuru. That was what Lukrov had decided in his heart.

This love would make him suffer.

This hope would ruin his heart.

And he couldn’t ignore the slight crack in the wall of his mind, which he had carefully built, at Rodolgo’s overly specific explanation.

‘She was sleeping defencelessly by the river……?‘

‘That is very much like Chizuru, and yet it is impossible – if it were Chizuru, she would already be over thirty! If she’s Chizuru, true, she has a childish face that will always remain young, but she’s no longer what you’d call a young lady.‘

But at the same time, it was too unnatural for a stranger to look so much like her.

“How do you know the features of the person I’m looking for?”

“Huh?”

“I said, how do you know the features of the person I’m looking for?

Lukrov repeated in a low voice.

Rodolgo became unusually sober and stared at Lukrov seriously. Lukrov had removed his helmet, and he gave Rodolgo a sharp look.

This filthy rascal looked too drunk to be lying.

“The only thing I know about you is that you have a history of looking for dark-haired, foreign-looking women. I don’t know any of the details; it’s not like I was trying to find her or something. The whole country knows about it.”

Lukrov did not deny nor did he confirm it.

‘No, no, no, no.‘

‘It’s definitely not Chizuru. Don’t get your hopes up. Don’t stray. Don’t question it.‘

No matter how much he told himself that, he knew that his heart was racing. His grip on the reins tightened more than necessary; perhaps even the horse sensed this and shook its head.

Rodolgo, oblivious to Lukrov’s concern, continued to speak with great enthusiasm.

“Do you want to know more? The young lady was wearing a strange dress. The skirt was very short, down to her knees. The waist was different. It wasn’t a sash or a belt; it was a material I’d never seen before. It stretched, you know. Like this.”

Rodolgo explained, spreading his hands out and closing them.

‘A short skirt.’

Precisely the same as when Chizuru had shown up here.

Lukrov gulped down the saliva that was rising in his throat.

‘Don’t ask any more questions!‘

‘But–’

“…..What is… her name?“

After a few moments, Lukrov’s lips were moving on their own.

“Huh?”

“What’s the woman’s name? Did you hear it?”

“I’ve forgotten her name. I don’t even remember hearing her name in the first place.”

Rodolgo scratched his head. Fleas and lice were falling all over the place. Over the next few days, Lukrov needed to be cautious and patient lest he broke this man’s neck.

At night, after they had set up a camp, Lukrov was unable to sleep and kept staring at the starry night sky.

The harder he tried to be absent-minded, the more memories of Chizuru flooded his mind. Chizuru often said that she loved the night sky of this world.

“I’ve never seen such a beautiful night sky. I just want to keep looking at it…..“

In her hometown, she said there was technology that could provide illumination that lit up the darkness without fire. Hence, the earth was full of light even at midnight. As a result, the number of stars that could be visible with the naked eye was extremely small due to the lights getting in the way.

She often slipped out of her tent in the middle of the night to go stargazing and came into contact with Lukrov, who was on night watch.

Each time, Lukrov scolded her.

“You’ll catch a cold.”

“You’re in danger of being attacked by wild beasts.”

“You can’t fight.”

“You won’t be able to get up in the morning again, and you’ll cause us trouble.” 

The truth was that he loved Chizuru so much that he wasn’t sure he could control himself when he saw her excitedly gaze at the night sky.

Still, Chizuru repeated this little night-time adventure from time to time.

Before long, Lukrov would look forward to it. There was a time when he took advantage of his physical condition, which allowed him to sleep less. He took on this task almost every night, even though he was the leader of the group.

As he gazed up at the moonless night sky, he was drowning in regret, wondering why he hadn’t been more gentle with her in the beginning.

Now he could show her the night sky as much as he wanted.

He could hold her as she fell asleep and gently place her back on the bed. And in the morning, he could let her sleep as long as she wanted…… Chizuru was not good with mornings.

If he had learned how to shed tears, Lukrov might have cried.

‘Forget it, forget it, forget it.‘

‘Chizuru, Chizuru, Chizuru.‘

‘Even if the woman I’m about to meet is you or not, even if she isn’t you……‘

Lukrov was already regretting this trip. He didn’t think he could endure it.

***

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